The Chinese New Year is almost here, and since 2005 is the Year of the Cock in the Chinese lunar calendar, this is a perfect opportunity for us to celebrate with our friends around the world. The Chinese New Year is traditionally celebrated with fireworks, but you can shoot off some of your own fireworks by masturbating for peace, prosperity and happiness in the coming year.

Choke your chicken in the Year of the Cock!

China is the most populous country in the world, with about 1.3 billion people. You’ve probably heard it said that if everyone in China jumped up and down at the same time, there would be a huge tidal wave or earthquake on the other side of the globe. We don’t know if that’s true. But imagine the effect if everyone in China masturbated for peace; if even half of China’s population joined the cause, not only would this make an incredibly powerful political statement, but the positive energy and good will of that number of orgasms at once could reach a critical level that might actually influence world events in a dramatic way. And masturbating is perfectly aligned with China’s rigorous population control measures. All Chinese citizens can masturbate in good conscious, knowing that they’re doing their part for both their country and the global community.

In the spirit of solidarity and cooperation between East and West, we’d like to invite all of our brothers and sisters in China and other Asian countries to focus on the cause of peace and masturbating for peace at this joyous time of renewal, as the rest of celebrate this multicultural event and add our masturbatory efforts to ring in the new year.

The Lunar New Year falls on February 9 this year, but festivities typically extend for an entire week, so you don’t have to wait to begin the celebrations – start wanking now, and keep wanking. The Year of the Cock comes around only once every twelve years, so you might as well enjoy it for a full twelve months.

Gung hay fat choy! (Wishing you prosperity and happiness in the coming year.)

If you were born in the year of the cock (1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005) you are fun loving and like to be the center of attention. You always walk with your head held high, and others may perceive you as being stuck up or full of yourself because of this. You like to delve deep into your endeavors, dive into things head first and thrust ahead forcefully. People may see you as rigid, but you also have a softer side. You may have your ups and downs and get yourself into some slippery situations, but you always manage to come out OK. You put a lot of pressure on yourself to rise to the occasion and are disappointed when you fall short.