There’s no greater antidote for war than love. Feelings of hatred and distrust form the necessary basis of armed confrontation. Replace those negative feelings with love and you’re halfway towards resolution of any conflict.
However, any real love must start from within. You can’t love others without loving yourself first. And, of course, masturbation is the greatest expression of self-love. So it’s natural that we, the citizens of the world, are joining together to masturbate for peace.
As we begin with this act of self-love, we encourage others to do the same, to take pleasure in life and to share masturbation’s positive energy with a world in need.
Joining the Movement
Joining this movement is simple. Just masturbate in your own way, focusing your thoughts and energy towards love and peace. Encourage others to do the same. Also, please fill out the petition below and tell us how you intend to masturbate for peace. We will share the most thoughtful petitions on this site. This is an international movement for peace. So far we have received over 17,000 petitions from 91 countries and all 50 of the United States.
Masturbate for Peace Bumper Stickers
Hairy palms, not cluster bombs
War’s not kind, beat yourself blind
Cream your khakis, not Iraqis.
Peace is spiffy, stroke your stiffy
Don’t send the fleet, just beat your meat
War is shit, rub your clit
Side with France, reach down your pants
Peace is the issue. Use a tissue.
War is Crappy, Slap Your Pappy
War’s for squares, play downstairs
Stop war now, milk your cow
When you jerk tonight, keep peace in sight.
Down with war, stroke some more
War is cruel – flog your mule
Get peace fever, rub your beaver!
War is heinous, thumb your anus
You Can’t Beat Off with Nuclear Arms
War is Mean, Flick Your Bean
War is wrong, whack your schlong.
I’m going blind for Mankind
War is silly, whack your willy
Think globally, whack locally
(Don’t smitten, kill a kitten.)
Peace Petitions and Poetry:
pull down your zip and throw out your trout,
using thine mit thrash it about,
love your root with vicious precision,
to empty your sack must be your mission.
if you cant love yourself you cant love another,
so grasp your womb weasel and think of your lover,
pound it with force and pound it with speed,
pound it for peace that’s what the world needs. – Knuckle Shuffler
I will sustain my masturbation campaign until my weapon of mass destruction has been completely disarmed. Sid, Derby, England
The sin of War and the sin of Onan, what a choice is this?
I will definitely sit at home while squirting creamy piss!
My girlfriend’s ready and waiting, she will tweak her nub
while I will fire peace torpedoes from my fleshy sub.
Bombs now fall upon Iraq, Bush and Blair have done it.
To stop them I will Bomb my Bird, upon her right tit.
I am sore from coming to much but I’ll still follow through
To save the world from death and pain we must all shed our goo – Marlowe
They say that we must stand together,
Stand together for a war,
But I choose to sit,
Sit with some tissues on my bathroom floor. – George, ON, Canada
I intend to break our dependence on foreign oil by recharging my vibrator’s battery from environmentally-friendly renewable energy sources and lubricating it with non-petroleum water based products before allowing it to slide deep inside me. – Ontario, Canada
I plan to masturbate for peace while looking at Internet porn of liberty, stroking my penis of equality until it sprays the semen of tolerance into the sock of pacifism. – Mike, Utah
I will masturbate with a flashlight, to illuminate the possibilities of a world without war. – Errin, Austin, Texas
Feel between my legs
Slick wetness spreads not for guns
Sweet nectar for peace – Amoreena, New York
Top 10 Reasons to Masturbate for Peace
10. It’s too cold to go outside and demonstrate
9. If I go blind they can’t draft me
8. The walls need painting white anyway
7. This is my weapon…this is my gun…this one’s for shootin….oh, never mind.
6. If you want it done right you have to do it yourself
5. All the lube will give me a baby-soft dork
4. It may be the only “peace” I’ll be getting for a while
3. If I use my left hand, it feels like someone else has joined my cause
2. What else am I going to do with the 80 GB of porn on my PC?
1. Because I can’t give myself a peace blowjob
“I Cum in Peace” Song Released!
I cum in peace
I want you to know it
When I fear war
I reach down and stroke it