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Peace Petitions

Sign the Peace Petition:

I pledge to masturbate, in my own time and own way, for the cause of peace.

Name (optional):
Location:
Email (optional)::
How I plan to masturbate for peace:

Archive of Signed Petitions:

At least two times a day until this crisis is over...this naked aggression will not stand....but mine will. - Switzerland

Every night I'll masturbate and say, "As I lay me down to sleep I'll have an "O" for peace to keep, I'll stick 3 in so very deep, for sure to cum before I sleep" - ciss, Oklahoma City

I actually just gave up self gratification for lent and today is the first day...but as soon as lent is over I'll do my part to make the world a better, more peaceful place. - Josh, Massachusetts

I plan to masturbate with my biggest toy every day, while I pray that my husband comes back safe from over fighting overseas. - Squirrel, Iowa

It relaxes the mind and spirit to masturbate. It is a time when one feels totally at peace with oneself. If we can remember that feeling and then express it even when not masturbating, the world would become a more peaceful place. - Brian, Gainesville, FL

There are good bushes and bad Bushes. Mine's a good bush. A very good bush. She needs lots of special, personal attention, and absolutely no oil at all. I get her engine going with my own renewable energy source. She doesn't need to overthrow a dictator to demonstrate her power over men. And, best of all, she hums along just fine without "nukular" power. I'll be spanking the pony for peace often in 2003. - Joan, Toronto, Canada

God, give me the strength, the agility, the courage, and the will to go on protesting this way, no matter how hard my hand cramps, no matter how many tissues I need, no matter how tired and chafed I get, give me the power to protest on. - Andy, Sydney

By wanking as much as possible, in the dark, I will conserve energy, thereby reducing our dependence on oil.- Phiggy Pudding, Minnesota

On the webcam with my fiance (750 miles away). He and I will masturbate together, every night until war has ended or we are together again. Then we will begin to have sex for peace, joining together and hopefully increasing the power we give out. - Moxy, Philadelphia

I plan to masturbate for peace at least two times a day -- peace through superior firepower. (PS: Your site is awesome!  I'm on the other side of the issue, but you have wit, humor and good taste. I sent your site to EVERYONE! When the victory cums, I put you in charge.)  - Keith, Milbrook, NY

My penis will become an axis of justice. - Dirk, Texas

I plan to masturbate at least twice daily in the name of peace... With vibrators, shower massagers, gags, bingo markers, hairbrush handles, fingers, even a disabled curling iron... I'm willing to pleasure myself in any way that will bring us closer to peace! And with my lover in the service... I plan to diligently uphold the masturbatory vigil! - Laurie, CA

I plan to masturbate with one fist on my tool and one fist in the air. - Washington, DC

Vigorously, and with clear moral certainty (as does, no doubt, Dubyah). - Guadalajara, Mexico

I plan to unite myself with thoughts of peace, tranquility and, of course, my eager beaver dildo. It's swiveling head will represent the confusion of our government and the vibrating beaver shall send sensors of pleasure and happiness out to our world. I will work that swiveling head 'til it swivels no more and I will pump out all of the aggression that has built up in our worldly womb. To all, I wish for health and happiness and peaceful sleeps. - D, New York

I will tell everyone I know about this site including at my band's shows. And order bumper stickers to hand out at Plea For Peace Meetings. - JoNo, California

I need to provide a sperm sample for the clinic to check my sperm count as we are trying for a child. I want peace on earth for my child, so I will dedicate this sample to him or her. - Haralds, Latvia

It's a given that I feel good when I rub my clit; yet at the same time, it's kind of amazing that exerting such a small amount of force (not to say that I don't like it hard- but in the grand scheme of things, you know?) can bring about such beautiful waves of pleasure. Little actions with momentous results are always amazing; yet when the result is negative, the equation it positively frightening. A person chooses not to think about going-ons in the world---> bombs fall on innocent children. A girl works her fingers in the right way against her clit for a bit---> orgasm. Let's all band together in an attempt to exert the right amount of force in all the right places to produce those positive orgasmic results-- and not exert any force at all in the unorgasmic areas. Such as Iraq. Y'all get my drift, right? Now excuse me while I go spread my legs... - Krys, Boston

I will think about worldwide love and peace while masturbating and maybe, as I reach my climax, those dreams will come true! - Poland

I plan to practice the Taoist practice of self-cultivation and male multiple orgasms to build my sexual/spiritual energy and self-love. Only after several days of building this energy and having orgasms without cumming will I allow myself to ejaculate, thus releasing more intense love and peace on the world. - Michael, Vancouver, BC, Canada

I pledge to touch others by touching myself. I will rub myself the right way while countries rub each other the wrong way. - Canada

As I play my computer games I will use both of my joysticks. - Jack, Seattle

I plan to go jerk myself off to relieve the anger that our stubborn psycho-ass cowboy of a president puts in me. - Eric, Butler, PA

Slowly, quickly, with lube, without lube, left handed and right handed, with my feet on a toilet seat, with a little help from my friends, in every room in the house, at work, in the shower, in the car, while watching the Osbournes, after smoking from the bong, when I wake up, when I go to sleep, in the back alley with a total stranger, while looking in the mirror, between classes, during lunch, at church alone, at church with the priest, before dinner, after desert, on the mailbox, in the middle of the street, on the bus. Oh, yeah. I'll do it often. No such thing as too much peace!- Idaho

My paci-fists will pound only my own meat tender. - Mikael, Finland

My penis is a weapon of destruction, and must be disarmed. I shall pump the bilge out of my hold and thus sink my battleship. - Dave

Being a person of the far left politically speaking, as well as being left handed, I plan to masturbate for peace with my right hand. I do this as a symbolic gesture to make peace with the people of the political right. - Ray, Cleveland

I'm going to play the song "he's got the whole world in his hands" - Jamel, San Antonio

I will withdraw my foreskin so my third eye can see our beautiful peaceful world. But the ungreatful bastard will probably just puke all over the place! - Cozmoz, Sweden

Rubbing it at home is certainly better than bombing poor suckers overseas. - Houston

I plan to masturbate every time I see or hear of any aggression or hint of against Iraq. Or when the Victoria's Secret commercial comes on. - Garden Grove, California

I pledge to use the clenched fist of solidarity with my brothers and sisters around the world. Peace - we're cummin' for ya! - Paul, Glasgow, Scotland

It's Pre-emptive stroking for me. I don't need war-oil, I manufacture my own. - LauraT, Ohio

I masturbate to free Tibet! - Xhaing, People's Republic of China

I not only pledge my own peace through masturbation, I pledge to help my boyfriend with his quest for peace.  Every night I will lay in bed as I am on the phone with him.  As the heavy breathing and moans of our ecstasy capture the moment, we will both know, we do this for the better good of our fellow man. We are all in this together! - Jami, California

By masturbating or thinking of jerking it whenever anger builds in me. That way, my negative feelings will carry me to a world of self-palming, and hopefully I will be classically conditioned so that anger automatically leads to fantasies! - Simon, Australia

I will masturbate so much that my hands will no longer be able to be used for any purposes that are harmful to my fellow human beings.

My purple-helmeted soldier of love is rising and the only way to save the world is if I beat his head down.

I'll fight war in the shower. I'll fight war every hour. I'll fight war in the bed. I'll fight war by using my head. I'll fight for peace before I sleep, till I shall see my semen flee. - Robert, Springfield

Every morning, I will begin my day by sharing a special moment with myself, in hopes that my self-love will spread to all people that I encounter during the day.  Spread the love, educate your friends! - Jess, Oklahoma

Every night, I can't seem to fall asleep. I think it is because of all of the violence in the world... I do what any good citizen would do at this point, masturbate. Upon completion, I feel, relaxed, and I think this feeling comes from the peace I am trying to spread to the world. Afterwards, i can sleep knowing that I have put a little more peace back in the world - Georgia

I pledge to begin and end everyday with self love and reflection. - DP, Texas

I pledge to masturbate for my country. not for me.. but for the millions of Americans that are suffering by the atrocities committed by all forms of war. I pledge to masturbate away all my feelings of hatred and anger, and I pledge to spread this philosophy to the people around me in the name of peace. Don't shoot that gun, cum is fun! - Dustin, Houston, TX

I masturbate so much that I have tennis elbow. Tennis elbow for peace. - Daniella, Quebec

I will gather every nationality of male friends for a circle jerk. We will get naked and lie on our our backs in a circle on the lawns of parliment house. In the eyes of our erect penises will be the tooth pick flag of our nation of origin. while singing "Imagine" We will lovingly stroke our flag poles until we fire our flags in a united crescendo of peace. - Peter, Australia

My hand went to war with my little soldier.  They were in the grip of battle when it was realized that my little soldier had cum in peace. If only it were all so easy. - California

After years of of destroying the rain forest by consuming 1000s of tissues, I'm glad that it will all come to some good. - Dan, Montreal, Quebec

I plan to spank it after every meal until this conflict is resolved... and I hope it's done soon, people seem frown on masturbation in restaurants. - Steve, Colorado

With the ongoing threat of war, conflict, and terrorism, I don't really even have time enough to write this.  I have much work to do for peace. - Tampa, FL

Loving yourself is something that all young women should do. Masturbation should not be shied away by women as it helps one discover herself and become more confident in this patriarchal society. I myself have become quite proficient at it and hope the benefits that I gain from masturbation can help the peace movement. I just want Mr. Hussein and Mr. Bush to know that there is one cute college girl thinking about them in a peaceful manner while she touches herself and that should stop there needless bickering. - Ashley

Frequently. The only violent explosions today's world should be orgasmic! - Guy, Austin, Tx

I intend to focus my thoughts on peace and happiness, and if those thoughts tend to wander toward our soldiers, instead of picturing them trudging off to war, I will picture them loving one another tenderly, and that will feed my own desire for masturbation. - Andrew, Washington, DC

Five times every day, and at least once every night, until war is over. I will spill the juices of life until the bombs have silenced. Never will the scream of self-love end until the scream of suffering does. To this, I pledge. - Todd, Baltimore, MD

Each time I masturbate, it leaves me so peaceful. I wish that content, spent feeling on the entire world. - Paul, Los Angeles

I plan to masturbate for peace in my very own living room. Peace starts at home. - Michelle, Florida

I've always masturbated for myself.  Now, I'm finally doing something for someone else.  And it feels good.  The masturbating feels good too, but mostly the peace feels good. - Jacob, Los Angeles

I plan to masturbate with plenty of lube to symbolize world problems becoming less painful and running smoother, and I will watch porn featuring beautiful people to remind me of all the beautiful things that can happen when we all just get along. - Sera, Tennessee

I will be having it for peace. My country is fraught with much war and no peace and war must end for my country to see peace. - isme, Sri Lanka

I will masturbate as many times a day and night as possible to release the tensions and anxieties that cause anger and disturbances within my own soul.  Only in the peaceful afterglow of post-orgasmic relief can I find the serenity to send positive thoughts of peace to the universe.  I will help anyone else masturbate anytime, anywhere -- so they can enjoy that rapturous bliss too -- and, in doing so, find inner peace that will transcend all negativity. - Johnny, Fresno, CA

I'm organizing a wank-in.  We shall all sit down, and together, we shall over-cum. - Tarot 1

I plan to relax, think of happy times, forgive my enemies and masturbate away my sorrows. - TheSeffolator, Norway

I intend to hide under my bed with my porno stash and stash of prossys and jack my life away!! - Jeff, Jail

I will stand naked on a cliff face and masturbate out in to the ocean and sky, drawing us all a little closer to peace as I climax in joy. - Australia

I plan to masturbate for the bettering of the world.  In my masturbation, I will release all pent up feelings towards hate and evil.  By doing this I can safely release all aggression in a way that harms no one other than the sperm I myself create. - Greg, USA

I vow to whack off 3 times a day until I die! I plan to do it peacefully, that is unless I get really into it. In that case, look out! - Mike, Colorado

Tonight I plan on crawling into bed, removing my undies and touching myself until I am so weak I cannot move my hand away.  I will sleep ever so soundly and tomorrow I will be so rested and refreshed that I will smile all day long.  The smiling will become contagious and the world will be a better place all because I touch myself.  Jana, Erie, PA

Given that every time you masturbate god kills a kitten, I am ethically torn as to whether this is truly a good thing.  But if the price of human peace means the destruction of kitten-kind, you can count on me to shuck more corn than a Nebraskan in November. - London

I plan to masturbate in front of the mirror so as to emotionally and physically experience the prayer of peace and love by seeing the blissful expression on my own face and witness the convulsions of pleasure passing through my body as a result. - Juneau, Alaska

I will spread my legs wide and place the palm of my hand over my clitoris.  Then I'll rub and rub all the hurts of the world away.  The metal of my clitoris piercing will represent the hard truth of war, the soft folds of my labia the gentle truth of peace. - ishyomah, UK

For 30 years that I've been sending love to people through my fingers. I think at least one war has ended because of me and some friends of mine, sending our love from our bathrooms. Now we will concentrate even more. 5 to one baby, one to five... - L_H, Italy

I will not only wank daily for peace but, also, omit the use of battery-operated appliances in an effort to combat the mindless waste of non-renewable energy sources and save the world from yet more needless abuse. - dyskordia23, Canterbury, UK

I may not have a lot of faith in my leaders, but I'm pulling for them. - Anonymous

I have a dream. I dream that one day, all young men and women can masturbate without odd stares from strangers. That one day, we can all just close our eyes and have a great orgasm. That one day, we can stop, and just wank against war.
I have a dream. I dream that one day, we can all just masturbate, not just with privacy or for pleasure, but for peace. - Marc, Sydney, Australia

I plan to masturbate everyday when I get home from school, and again every night before I go to bed. - Mandy, Las Vegas

I am planning to organize am massive self love rally, we will march through every major city in Britain showing to the world how good self love can be. - Ross, Glasgow

My man to hand relationship will produce the glue that holds the world together. - Peter, Long Island

When confronted with a situation where tempers are on the rise and sound judgment has been cast to the wayside, I shall strongly recommend that all parties just stop, take a deep breath, whack one off, then re-approach the problem from the perspective of someone who does NOT require sexual release. - Fragmeyer

Like the flag of my country, I plan to raise my pole every day at sunrise in the name of peace.  No one can pleasure me like I can pleasure me. - Mark, California

Together with as many people as possible, and by doing that, keeping them from angry thoughts. Peace-calculations and simultaneous-ejaculations from Sweden. - Jonas

With flowers in my hair. - Barry, London

I do solemnly swear to curtail my diabolical and megalomaniacal fantasies while i "pud wrestle".  I do hereby and henceforth formally promise to only envision peaceful and happy thoughts while I vigorously masturbate at a furious pace. I think it's about time to lend a helping and or two, and do my part for the peace effort. - Chanz, Ohio

Every night in my bedroom before I get asleep I'll love myself and pray for peace. - srta_lee, Argentina

I will send positive vibrations throughout my body and into the universe. - Toronto, Canada

Every stiffened sheet will flutter like peace flags on my washing line. - John

I'm going to pound my trout everyday at least four times a day, for a year, while my girl watches. It's very comforting to her to watch me achieve peace with myself. - Terrence, Massachusetts

I will use my Tantric techniques so that I divert my negative energy within, converting it into pure orgasm. if everyone knew how to do this then there would be no war. - AL, UK

For the sake of mankind, let every shower be one of cleansing and renewal, let peace wash over my body. - RaeVynn, Boise, Idaho

I'll do the deed.... with that special someone in mind.  You know who you are.  But I think it would be so much more fun to work together for world peace!  ;-) - LBM, Texas

I plan to masturbate in as many outdoor locations as possible. It's important to lead by example -spreading to concept and joy of self-love to all humanity -for the good of the world. - Sara, Portland, Oregon

In a slow, sensual way.....building up to a stunning but peaceful orgasm! - L, UK

Very carefully, fully mindful of the delicate situation in hand and the need for diplomatic negotiations between contested regions as well as maintaining the balance between communication and aggression. - Michelle, Seattle, WA

Just like I vote - early and often. - Bluerabie, USA

For every sperm that crusts and flakes on my abdomen, there is someone whose life has been torn apart by the ravages of war. There are roughly 800,000,00 rays of hope in ever glob I squirt.  I will use my splunk as a healing salve for the world. - Ryon, Baltimore, Maryland

My vibrator will buzz for freedom, my fingers move for peace! - Sydney, Australia

I will masturbate using only non animal-tested lubricants. - Dave, Rhode Island

Oh, I intend to do it slowly and deliberately, for such a process cannot be rushed; it must be fostered, groomed, rough spots negotiated in the name of peace. I pledge to do it again and again until all war stops. - Barina, Atlanta

I will masturbate at least three times a day. If I miss a session, I will masturbate twice for the session that was missed. - Wisconsin

I've been masturbating regularly since my early teens, and have, since then, always been an advocate for peace.  It's only natural that my peaceful nature rubs off a bit on my friends and acquaintances (usually when we shake hands).  So, I'll continue to do my part to stop the war. - Indiana 

I will put on my olive dress, stand on the central square of my hometown (big naval base) with a placard saying "I cum in peace" in my left hand and my XXX in my right hand. - Henrik, Sweden

I will wipe away one bad thought per stroke. - Mike, Soo, Ontario

I plan to masturbate for peace in the comfort of my own home. And maybe on the public toilet at my workplace. - Trollhättan, Sweden

I plan to lay in bed and masturbate for peace I plan to make myself moan so loud that I wake up my roommates and let them hear the call for peace. - Michelle, Iowa City

When the soldiers fire off their last bullet, I will fire off my last load. - Colorado

I will repeatedly bring myself to the brink of climax then take deep belly-breaths to balk the climax and internalize the sensations.  After hours of this (lotion is a wonderful thing), I will let myself go and try my best to hit the ceiling. chad, Austin, Texas

My plane is too scream "WORLD PEACE" every time I cum and in that way let the world know that I fight for love and peace. - Eva, Sweden

I plan on masturbating every chance I get...which is every time my roomie is out for more than 30 minutes.  I intend to take my pledge very seriously, and will masturbate religiously while thinking of my very peaceful boyfriend who lives oh so far away. - Lizzie, Missoula, Montana

I plan to masturbate furiously and frequently. I shall masturbate with an alacrity and creativity heretofore thought impossible. With God's help, I plan to masturbate while bathing, attending classes, preparing food, and yes, even while playing catch with puppies. My ejaculate shall shine under blacklights as a beacon of peace and self-love. I shall proudly go forth into the world, with scented candles, lubricants, Barry White CDs, and an insatiable appetite for the five-knuckle-shuffle. - Deven, New Jersey

With all my fancy toys and yummy fantasies of engaging in delicious acts with lovely people from all around our beautiful world. Celebrate diversity, masturbate for peace! - Lucy, Oregon

I plan on focusing on peace everyday that I masturbate, on several occasions daily. - Manny, Lahore, Pakistan

In my living room, unlit except for several scented candles, I plan to focus on peace and good energies while working up my sexual energy.  I'll try to hold off as long as possible in order to keep those positives vibes going.  I pledge my ejaculation, and the contentment it brings, to the cause of peace. - Jim, Houston, Texas

I'm reminded of the old expression, "I wouldn't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock for..."  Well, I won't touch a dead dog, much less his stiffie, but I'll give my own a couple of tugs to further a general sense of well-being in the world.  I plan to envision a circle jerk spanning the circumference of the world, possibly along the equator (although the logistics of this may prove challenging, especially in the ocean where both hands may be needed for swimming).  I intend to give the matter much thought and time and energy, throughout the day, every day, maybe all day on the weekends. - Dave, Kansas City

I plan to take my time, going long and slowly so that I am being sufficiently selfless in my masturbation while I let my pleasant thoughts of love and peace drift out into the human collective subconscious and hopefully affect everyone just a little. - R'yal, Canada

I am going to whack it with a thumb up my ass til the cows come home! GO EAGLES! - Biloxi, Mississippi [finally, someone from Mississippi, and we've covered all 50 states]

I commit the use of my wasted sperm to the fight of tyranny and oppression all over the world.  I will spread the love that  only a sexually satisfied person can.  The love of freedom.  The love of diversity.  The love of peace.  The love of getting off. - Tim, Michigan

I plan on doing my best to masturbate everyday, since my boyfriend is incapable of giving me the amount of pleasure that I deserve. I hope that my contribution to the cause can help bring some peace to this war-torn world. - Giggles, Newark, DE

I will read for 15 minutes every night to relax myself into a wonderful fantasy world that lies within me where I can most easily wander into my own world of sexual self indulgence.  XOXO and wet dreams. - Jinan, Shandong Province, China

When I'm taking a shower, I'm so happy about the fact that I have clean water, that I turn the water pressure to it's fullest, and there I go.  There are people who can't do this because of war. - Jaana, Helsinki, Finland

Well, I masturbate alot anyway.  So now I have an excuse for my mom next time she yells at me.  I'll tell her, "Mom, I'd rather be blind from masturbation, than blind from the hatred and destruction of war." - Giacomo, New York

I plan on blowing many loads, so we can all live peacefully in our humble abodes. My cock will be rock hard, so we don't have fighting in our back yard! - Wildcat, Pennsylvania

Using the bathwater, letting the love of this peace water flow back through the    sewer system to all in my community.

I plan to masturbate with extreme determination and devotion to my planet.  I will not stop until there is world peace! - Amanda, Indiana

I will use not just one hand but alternate hands so I can give all I can to the cause. - Sarah, California

Well, I will probably get some help from my friends in the military. But by myself, I will use my assault rifle in a way never thought of by Sarge. - Klosse, the military

Frequently and passionately. Occasionally with others or toys, or if I'm really lucky, someone's tongue (ok, ok, that may not qualify as masturbation, but you can't deny that it's love!). - Clara, USA

I promise to masturbate every time I get mad. No matter where I am or when.  It is my duty to the world to do this. - Amanda, Boro

I plan to masturbate hard until my hands are red like fire, then more sweetly like a monkey finding a banana. And I will do all these things for the cause of peace! - Europe

I will whack for Truth.  I will whack for justice.  I will whack for peace.  I will whack for the American way.  I will not stop whacking until the whole world feels the love and joy that I feel for myself.  So rest assured world, you have all of my whacking energy.  The Southeast of the United States is covered. - South Carolina

Let's make love (foder) not war, fire guns (pichas) that won't hurt, all in the name of peace! I must con.. ti.. nue on mastur.. bating (esgalhar ao pessegueiro, jogar ao pau com os ursos), for i have started with one purpose and will not stop until it is a.. a.. complished!! AAHHHHHHHH..(já me vim!) - Xiko, Portugal

The excess of our self-love will overflow and inundate the world with a flood of juicy peace. - Porkchop

I plan to masturbate while watching pornography that is not demeaning to women, and to focus on joy and love, sharing my experiences with those whom I love around me. - Paul, Melbourne, Australia

Every night before I go to bed and every morning before I leave my bed. - Kimmy, Orlando, Florida

Well, I actually haven't masturbated in the three weeks since I've gotten to school, and I don't really intend to until I either find a pretty lady or get home to my room.  However, when I do get home to my room, you can be sure I'll be doing my part to give some love back.  In the meantime, I'm really frustrated. - Oberlin College, Oberlin, Ohio

I will empty my sack twice a day as a reminder of the emptiness caused by war. Mario, Trinidad

I always masturbated for selfish reasons. Now is my chance to give back to the world! - Jim, New York

No more will I resort to "spanking the monkey".  From this day forward I shall "tenderly caress the monkey" and think of peace... well peace and sex... but not monkeys and sex.... maybe monkeys and peace, but NOT monkeys and sex. - John, Toronto, Canada

As a final act of resistance, I will embrace that moment of endorphin-rush nothing. Xenia, Utah

Frequently, because I'm fervent about peace. - Di, Melbourne, Australia

Everyday, one cum shot to reduce gun shots. - France

I'll rattle my saber until world leaders stop rattling theirs. - Robert, London

I will masturbate with skill, courage & years of practice. - CJ, Australia

I would like to express my passion for peace by organizing a group masturbation session at work. There will be a big group of us as we are all avid wankers. - Peter, Surrey, UK

I am gonna get into bed in tight boxer briefs, rub my balls until my cock is rock hard, shut my eyes, and envision all of the hatred going on in the world. Then and only then, I will blow a huge fucking load for peace. A load so big, it will end all evil in the universe. - Todd, Los Angeles

As time waxes on, it becomes increasingly difficult to take a stand for what's right amidst the constant turmoil and uncertainty. There has never been a better time, however, to take a stroke for love and stick your balls out there for peace. Literally. - Acacia, Hawaii (submission from state #47, only three left!)

This is a lovely idea!  Though masturbation alone won't bring about peace.  We need to sit everyone down and give them a puppy and some cupcakes.  Masturbation, puppies and cupcakes!  (Though not necessarily at the same time.) Now we're talkin' peace! - Meghan, New York

I plan to continue my strenuous masturbation schedule, keeping in mind all that is great about humanity, the dignity of our nation, and the warm, soft, serenity that can only be the result of a great orgasm or a global peace. - Adam, Chicago, Illinois

I plan to look at porn while my wife is asleep a give it a good pull! - Seth, Hoboken, New Jersey

Fuck violence. Fuck Bush. Fuck Saddam. Fuck nuclear warfare. Fuck chemical weapons. Fuck armies. Fuck the military. Fuck genocide. Fuck bombs. Fuck shells. Fuck bullets. Fuck guns. Fuck war. Fuck my right hand. - Phil, Peterborough, UK

Continually, and because it's for peace, I'll only masturbate to tasteful porn, or else get tasteful women to do it for me. - UK

With my hands, both right and left, to show the need for bi-partisan support for peace. - Murfreesboro, Tennessee

By flicking my bean, I hope to stop anyone that's mean. - Andrea, Waterloo, Canada

From now on I will masturbate four times each day with the vibrator on HIGH. By doubling my personal consumption of batteries, there will be fewer available to power radios, and without voice communication, soldiers will be unable to mount attacks. On the weekends, I will buy many, many extra batteries and invite all my friends over to masturbate in a joint peace effort. Secretly, I will invite their husbands and boyfriends to watch us on a TV set up in the garage (and do what any guy would do in that circumstance).

I plan to masturbate for peace furiously at first, like a pilled up monkey in a banana factory, then more slowly as my hand starts to suffer from friction burns. Burns symbolic of the heat of battle, the smoke rising from my red raw cockage like the smoke drifting from a bombed village somewhere in the afghani mountains possibly. As the stark symbolism of my tracer fire arcs over my shoulder I close my eyes and like a soldier caught in crossfire tumble into sleep. War is hell... Robin, London

By touching myself, I touch others in peace. I think the men in war should ware silk panties and touch themselves. We would have less war. - Kansas City, Missouri

I pledge to masturbate with dignity and compassion with my head held high, in the palm of my hand, as befits any true Englishman. - Stanley, England

I'll be watching porn in the name of all things sacred and kind, whilst polishing my peaceful pearl. - Kerry, Raleigh, North Carolina

Everyday until I find some one to help me, then twice a day. - Alexander, Indiana

I plan on masturbating as much as I can for as long as I can. Even if it means cutting off my boyfriend so that I can masturbate more. - Jen, Virginia

With my left hand on my heart. And my right hand in my pants. - Pennsylvania

I'm not going to "beat the meat", but instead will touch it with love, thinking about how we need to touch, and not beat, others. - Mike, Pennsylvania

I will masturbate joyfully, and with awareness. I hope that others will direct their energy away from war and towards self-love. - Jessie, Louisiana

Since I always laugh when I cum, and laughing is not possible when there's hate around, I plan to masturbate slowly at least once a day, so when I cum the peace, pleasure and laughter will make this world just a little bit better. - Alex, Madrid, Spain

Every orgasm I have will flutter over and fall like a big warm blanket over a warmonger's hateful, internal fire and extinguish it one at a time (this could take me a while... goodie). - Beverly, Los Angeles

I pledge that every time I have bad thoughts about Al-Qaeda or Iraq, I will instead masturbate and think of my penis as a peace scepter, releasing a magical "peace potion". - Sammy, Kansas

I will masturbate with a heart full of love, and a mind full of naked women. - John, Arizona

I plan to hump a chair in the face of oppression. - Robyn, Lakewood, Ohio

I will masturbate for peace by using as many dull instruments as possible. Sharp implements bring thoughts of weaponry, death and slicing and dicing. I do not wish to julienne my genitals. I will go the dong, the vibe, the zucchini and the bok choy. - Katt, Melbourne, Australia

My girlfriend and I will team up to send double the energy - Cape Coral, Florida

I never knew how a simple tug could do so much. I am now planning on masturbating twice daily in this time of need. When we work for peace, we need to think of the children. Except when we're masturbating, cause that's just gross. - Kirby, Canada

I will masturbate everyday for peace and tranquility in our beautiful corner of the world
 - Jasmine, Lebanon

With a butternut squash.  My violation of the fruit will signify the violation of the world by war. - Ian, Canada

Every night under my covers I will tinker my numlock. - Kristen, Toronto

By my masturbating every morning I'll be sending out my positive thoughts not only to the person I'm thinking about but to the "stream of positive thoughts" (as I like to call it). My thoughts will join those of others so this "stream" can circle the globe, spreading positive thoughts to everyone in the world. Masturbation is totally natural and so is happiness. I wish peace to everyone who masturbates. - Anonymous

I will masturbate gently, slowly, delaying so I can dwell longer on thoughts of love and peace.  I may enlist a few friends to join me.  We all need to unite and take things into our own hands! - Keese, North Carolina

Whenever I get angry I will slowly count to ten...and then masturbate. - Grey, Germany

I will masturbate so much, that my arm will be so tired, that it just is absolutely impossible to wield a weapon with it. - Niko, Finland

I will masturbate by visualizing the systematic efficient destruction of the Iraqi regime carried out by a UN coalition of forces, spearheaded by the technological superiority of the US military, which, when completed, will result in the greatest peace the middle east has ever known. What a turn-on! - Washington

I value peace a lot. We citizens of Puerto Rico need peace as much as every other citizen of other parts of the globe, specially now that the US Navy is renewing their naval practices on our island of Vieques against our most basic human rights. Therefore, I plan to use a tropical banana, native banana, in cohesion with my female regions, in order to masturbate for peace! - Puerto Rico

I'll just love myself and let all my hate flow out of my penis. My dick and my bush are true pacifists, and I'm sure they're not the only ones. - Sabbut, Spain

Your site gets a hearty two fingers down!  A very nice sort of ongoing mass ritual which I'll be sure to participate in, me and my vibrator from Walmart. - California

I plan to masturbate myself as well as those around me in order to make this world a better place! - Colleen, Cincinnati, Ohio

Our entire Discordian Cabal has pledged to masturbate for peace as often as possible, everywhere.  We will do this alone, if necessary, but are recruiting "helpers" to assist us in our endeavors.  We believe the love-force we can generate with a properly timed simultaneous orgasmic response is, just barely, capable of rendering flaccid every missile on the Earth, and making every missile silo weep and quiver with joy. - Barry, Oregon

In peace! - Indonesia

Whenever I get upset, instead of getting violent and aggressive, I will just masturbate and allow those pent up frustrations to flow out with my orgasm. - Toni, Arkansas

Preferably in a group environment where we can spread the love as we cum in peace. - Bernie, Cape town, South Africa

I will create an organization among all my friends to get together every now and then to have mutual masturbation sessions for the cause of peace. - Lauralie, Texas

If you've studied Crowleyan Magick, you know that nothing speeds a spell on its way like a good thumping orgasm. I shall batter my beaver not only for peace but for understanding between the sexes, the survival of the ecosphere and the cancellation of the jerry Springer show. George and Saddam will not know what kind of etheric bolt hit their brains when I fire up the old Hitachi.

I will masturbate as often as possible, with or without a friend around, in any position I deem worthy of such an exalted purpose, with KY and porn. - Florence, Alabama

After taking part in marches, rallies and other actions against the war, and organizing for peace and justice - I'll go home and jack off (jill off) for peace! Just strokin' the clit and havin' some fun.  I notice all the posters here are talking about cocks not clits, and lest anyone think that we women don't masturbate too, I'm adding my voice.  Jack off for justice! Jill off for justice! Pleasure for peace! - Jill-off woman, Oakland, California

When I become angry or frustrated, i will think about my new purple vibrator and how it makes me feel, and I'll strive to help others feel that same feeling.

I will hold a dove in one hand and my tool in the other! - California

I plan, that when my period is over, I shall masturbate, using my vibrator for peace for personal and worldly good, and good alone. - Katie, Troy, Michigan

I believe that we must show mutual love for each other, and in that light, what better way to show this love than through mutual masturbation? Grab someone (or a group) who you would like to share the enlightenment of peace with, and practice mutual masturbation. - Sibel, Texas

I will use deep spiritual reflection, long periods of self discipline, meditation on the worries of the world, and half a bottle of body wash. - Poway, California

I will masturbate for peace, every time I get angry at something.  If I masturbate, everything will all be OK in just a minute or two, and whatever I was angry at will just seem like nothing, if I am still angry, I will just masturbate again and again until I am happy!!!  Why drop a bomb when you can bust a nut??!?!! - Joe, Rhode Island

For peace, I will explore the inner depths of my own fruit, and be thankful that I live in a country that allows me to experience the best possible freedom of all, masturbation! - Lauren

I am going to masturbate in my dorm room every night.  Every night I shall cover a picture of something that depicts hate with a white film of peace.  This is my mission, this is my calling, this is my duty. - Jeff, Michigan

When I am masturbating for peace, I can almost feel myself touch all of the people I am saving.  Just imagining all of their smiling faces makes me wish I could masturbate 10 times a day. - Joe, Ohio

Often and with vigor.  Gonna fill a jar for peace. - St. Louis Park, Minnesota

I will stroke my cock nearly daily, without any additional materials, only the thoughts of peace and love to guide me through. - San Francisco

Harken to me, my fellow wankers, spankers, filla-busters, dolphin floggers and mouse double-clickers... shank the crank with peace in mind! Gather all thoughts of rage and hate and smother them in the pearly primordial goo of your love for peace.  Yoink your chain while singing songs of harmony, or assist someone in the mutual chaffing of the willy-wonker.  Be it inside, outside or under the open skies, masturbation helps our following generations!  Roo for peace!! - Tualmasok, Seattle

Once a day, every day, maybe even twice a day, I will stop from my daily activities to reflect on the power of love and how far the human race has gotten because of love.  During this time, I will look at pictures and video clips that show images of beauty and I will reflect upon how much pleasure looking at these things give me.  Then I'll go out and tell my friends, and their friends, and their girlfriends, and maybe, just maybe, we can all celebrate the peace and love of this world in one big happy, orgiastic mass without ruining the carpets or upholstery. - San Jose

I will masturbate constantly, frequently, alone and with others, soft, hard, fast, slow, with or without lube, in public and private. - Greg, Colorado

I will touch myself with love everyday, all the while envisioning a world that is bathed in the warm afterglow of orgasm.  Touch and love and pleasure, ebbing and flowing, overwhelming the world with satisfaction and peace.  And then sleep. - Girl of the world, Oregon

I plan to use my personal time of self-love to curb my natural tendencies towards conflict, violence and hatred.  Through the relief of masturbation, it becomes easy to be a peaceful, loving human being. - Valthonis, Hartford, Connecticut

I will show love to myself and the world at least 4 times daily. To smooth the peace-making process, a lotion will also be used. - Omaha, Nebraska

Every time I feel the need to make a fist I will do so not in anger but in love, and I will make that fist around my meat and then yank out the frustration until the whole world looks a little brighter. - Brian, Pennsylvania

I shall masturbate with lots of Vaseline and aim for targets when I ejaculate. When I get really good, I'll host the world's annual jizz target competition. I'll beat everyone with my remarkable sausage aim skills, and donate my prize to your organization. - Serpent, USA

I pledge to masturbate with an open heart, an open mind, and an open Playboy.

I plan on playing with my "Peace Stick" until my eyes squint up and I have a hard time breathing slowly.  Then, when I feel the best, I will scream "Peace is worth all this effort!" - Todd

I promise to masturbate myself at least five times every day. I promise to be a surrogate hand for those who are unable to masturbate themselves because of physical disability. - Chicago

I plan to use the around-the-back-and-through-the-legs method - the best method for world peace. - Chachi, Seattle, Washington

I can promise that my hand will not leave my rod until every gun has been put down. - Pete, Pennsylvania

I plan to masturbate while singing "Give Peace a Chance". - Minnesota

Whenever I sit down to watch CNN for my daily dose of anger, fear, hatred, and bigotry which seem ever-present in the world, I will cleanse my spirit, my soul, and my pipes with a white-hot jet of love from deep within. - Tony, Montana

As I watch my penis of peace fire a 24 gun salute to the sky, I'll imagine the dove white semen bathing the leaders of the world in a subduing treatment of pleasure, love, and eternal peace. - Nat, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

When I reach orgasm, I feel that my mind is expanded for a moment, as if I was on a psychedelic drug for a moment. I feel that I am tapping into my unconscious mind. I will think about world peace at the moment of climax. - Virginia

My hands alone can control the fate of millions. My sperm will act as martyrs of this cause...each of them going to an early Kleenex (paper towel, sock, curtain, cat tail, etc.) grave so that others may live on. Theirs is the greatest sacrifice of all. - Bismark, Massachusetts

I plan to masturbate as frequently as possible, so that I will use my hands for something good, instead of something evil. - Kali, USA

I will masturbate around the globe, showing people that firing off your penis is a lot better than firing off your gun. - Houston, Texas

Thrice a week for world peace! - John, Fremont, California

I will fire salvos of white light into the night sky, so that the world can see my explosions of love, hope, peace and unity and draw from it the truth - that hate, anger, violence and aggression will only lead to our own destruction. Let's take the situation in hand, people. - James, Oxford, UK

I will masturbate in public, on the side of Nelson's column, and will not stop until the authorities try to remove me. I will sing "give peace a chance" through a loudhailer (megaphone) during my act of public onanism. - Svenno, London

I will masturbate while reading Ghandi and other enlightened peace-loving authors, so that my dick will be conditioned only to react to peaceful people and thoughts. In that way my children will genetically be peaceful persons. I will masturbate with my girlfriends too in order to give them the same positive influence. I'll fill the whole world with children of peace, so that the Age Of Peace and Masturbation can  begin. - Rody, France

I masturbate every day already, so I might as well do it for peace. It seems like a good cause, and it will give my life purpose. - Chicago

I will use my white vibrator to symbolise peace. Like the white dove of peace, when I release it, I will know freedom and joy and love. If every man who is contemplating an act of war stayed home instead, and pictured me masturbating, and joined in masturbating themselves as an act of unity, then no one would go out and start a war. There would be peace and happiness throughout the world. Think about it people...the future of world peace IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!!! - Miss Lily, Australia

I will masturbate while I'm reading the newspaper; the more bad news I read, the harder I will masturbate, hoping this will contribute to peace. - Jeremy, UK

With so much talk of war around at the moment, I pledge to spend at least one hour a day masturbating for peace and, when I am about to climax, I shall repeat the words "peace and love" until I've finished ejaculating. This surely must be more powerful than mere prayer! - Jack, UK

I masturbate while driving to end road rage. Commute hour could be more enjoyable if everyone masturbated instead of holding down a horn and letting frustrations arise. - Jeffrey, Alabama

I will masturbate to relieve stress. If I am unstressed I have no desire to do anyone any harm. I plan on spending a lot of time alone in the john at work. - Paul, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Masturbating is my way to let out aggressions. When you experience the self-releasing act of masturbation, all negative thoughts are gone and you just want to love the world like you just loved yourself. Therefore I masturbate to stop violence and promote peace. - Joonas, Finland

I vow to spend quality time with myself every day until Weapons of Mass Destruction are consigned to the scrapheap of history. - London, England

Well I plan to masturbate for peace tomorrow. I'm going to get my lube and lube myself up, put on my cock ring while thinking of a better more productive and peaceful world to live in. - Mark, Boston, Massachusetts

Everyone calls me a wanker, but until now I had no idea they were actually paying me a compliment. In future I will dedicate my life to peace through masturbation, and proudly acknowledge this fact at all times. Let it be known across the Kingdom that I will play with my willy all day. - Steve, London, England

I will masturbate every day - twice. Danail, Bulgaria

When others waste their energy arguing, I will just take off my pants and masturbate for peace! - Stefanie, Danville

It's just common sense. Masturbating makes me and my boyfriend happy, so therefore, in our small way, by masturbating we are making peace. - Meghann, Findlay

I plan to masturbate at least four times during the week and a few times on the weekend, plus I will allow anyone to join in who wants to; "the more the merrier".  This is my pledge. - Anonymous, Texas

I plan to masturbate knowing that what I am doing is promoting love and that love can do nothing but help people. - Grand Rapids, Michigan

It's important to not only self-love, but to turn this love outward for the regeneration of the world. When I self-cultivate, I picture with all my energy Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush, trying to send my love to them, trying to awaken that buried love in them. Shalom. - Brandon, Santa Cruz, California

I will be at home with some friends who are into mutual masturbation, males and females together in the same room masturbating for peace. - Wayne, Ontario, Canada

I am going to get myself off until there is world peace. - Jacob, Rushville, Indiana

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